Love is such a beautiful thing. It’s an emotion that is expressed through behaviors. That’s the closest I can get to explaining it. Unfortunately, the world has distorted love so the meaning of love is blurred.
The good news is we can look to the creator of love to find the truth. The Bible tells us that God created love. We are told in 1 John 4:8 that God is love. The best news is that God’s love will never fail (1 Corinthians 13:8). His love is unconditional and free for all to receive (John 3:16).
Now that we know the true source of love, we can dive into the 5 love languages that Gary Chapman has outlined in his book. Gary uses the truth from the Bible to help others understand their love language.
We all have the ability to love but we can struggle with the way we give and receive love. This is why the love language types from Gary’s book are helpful.
My husband and I have read the 5 Love Languages book and have been blessed by it. The purpose of this article is to share our experience and how this book has helped strengthen our marriage.
What are the Five Love Languages?
Love languages are the way we express love. There are basically 5 love languages that people use to express and receive love. Love is a choice. If you base it on a feeling, that feeling with fail you.
The five love languages help you learn how your partner receives love and how you receive love. They open up the communication between couples so they can communicate love to each other.
You may have heard people say they “fell out of love” with someone. The reason they say this is because they no longer have the feeling of love (emotion). The feeling of love will not always be there but the choice to love someone will be.
Five Love Languages Summary
This a list of the 5 love languages. If this topic interests you, I highly recommend you get Gary Chapman’s book. I’m going to share a basic overview of the love language types but Gary’s book goes into much more detail. Trust me, it’s worth getting the book.
Here’s the 5 Love Language list:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Love Language Types
Here are the basic meanings of the love languages. This is not an in-depth explanation of the different love languages. This is an explanation of how I relate to each love language. If you want an in-depth explanation, you should get the book.
1. Love Language Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation is a way to speak love through your words. Now think of how many unkind words you have said. Speaking words of affirmation is the exact opposite of that.
When you speak words of affirmation, you are making the decision to speak appreciation and praise to your partner. I have to admit, it’s hard for me to praise my husband. I love him but I have to be really intentional about showing him appreciation. It doesn’t come naturally.
After reading Gary’s book, we learned that one of my husband’s love languages is words of affirmation. This was so helpful to me because I want my husband to feel loved. Since then, I’ve been putting words of affirmation into practice and they seem to come more naturally to me now.
2. Love Language Acts of Service
Acts of service are expressing your love through basic acts of service. This means that you are taking the time to serve your partner. It doesn’t involve money.
This is my love language so I consider acts of service as helping me around the house or running an errand for me. My life gets busy so if my husband does a household chore that I normally do, it definitely speaks love to me.
The funny part is my husband despises doing the dishes and the laundry. When he does one of those two things it’s like mega love speaking to me.
Acts of service do not come naturally to my husband so he chooses to be intentional about acts of service. I’m working on recognizing his effort so I can use words of affirmation to speak love back to him.
3. Love Language Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts is exactly what it sounds like. It’s giving a gift to your partner big or small. The world has programmed into us that giving gifts to someone is an expression of love.
This is not a love language of mine or my husband but I do know people that have this love language. I feel like this one can be a little blurred with acts of service. Both acts of service and receiving gifts show that someone is thinking of you.
The difference is one is with a physical gift while the other is a service that is being performed. I can’t really relate to this one because gifts have never really meant much to me. I’m thankful for the gifts I receive but they don’t usually speak love to me.
4. Love Language Quality Time
Quality time is giving your partner all your attention. That means when they talk to you, you are not on your phone. You are giving them your full attention.
This is one of the hardest languages out of the 5 love languages in my opinion. It is me and my husband’s primary love language so I can definitely relate to the struggle.
Life is so busy sometimes that it’s easy to try and multitask while you’re having a conversation with your partner. I’m definitely guilty of this. I find myself talking to one of the kids while I’m talking to my husband. It’s so unloving.
I have to be so intentional about this because my mind has so many things running through it all day long. I’ve found the best way to make it work is to stop everything I’m doing when my husband speaks. Quieting my mind is the key to meeting the needs of my husband with this love language.
5. Love Language Physical Touch
Physical touch is so powerful. There have been so many studies on how important physical touch is at every level. It could be a simple as touching someone’s shoulder.
The warmth of your partner’s hand touching you can mean so much. I love physical touch but it’s not one of my love languages. I can go days without it but some days I need it.
With this love language, you need to be intentional about touching your partner more often. That means holding their hand when you’re out and about, touching while you’re standing close, etc. Sexual intimacy falls into this category but that should only be happening if you’re married.
What is My Love Language?
Like I mentioned above, my love languages are quality time and acts of service. What’s your love language? You may be able to determine what your love language is by reading the five different love language meanings.
Another great way to determine your love language is by taking the 5 love languages quiz. Gary’s website has a love language quiz you can take to find your love language.
There is a love language quiz for couples, children, singles, and teens. The quiz really helped my husband and I narrow down our love languages. Click this 5 Love Languages Quiz to see what your love language is.
The five love languages have really strengthened our marriage. We’ve been married for almost 18 years and being intentional about how we show each other love has made a big impact.
We focus our marriage on Christ and we know that marriage is a lifelong commitment. It’s up to us to make the decision to improve our marriage on a regular basis. Keeping Christ in the center keeps our marriage strong.